How to Maintain Connection When Loved Ones Have Opposing Views

Over the past few years, it appears our society has become exceptionally divided. From religion to politics to vaccines, everyone seems to have a fierce opinion about what is (and isn’t) right. 

These differences are tearing some relationships apart. For example, 15% of Americans report ending a friendship over political differences. Many more have indicated seriously drifting away from friends as a result of feeling divided.

It can be challenging to find a middle ground when loved ones have opposing views. But when you know you don’t see eye-to-eye, is relationship satisfaction a matter of avoiding arguing about politics or other contentious issues? Or are there specific strategies for maintaining respect and compassion for one another, despite the differences? Let’s get to it.

Determine Your Main Priority

Whether it’s a spouse, child, or distant relative, you may have to ask yourself how important this particular relationship is in your life? After all, if you want to maintain a positive connection, arguing nonstop certainly won’t achieve that. Moreover, if you can’t respect the other person, what’s the point of trying to make things work?

Of course, you may also have some non-negotiable boundaries in your life. For instance, you may not be able to tolerate specific beliefs that feel exceptionally toxic or harmful to you. 

That’s entirely reasonable. Spend some time reflecting on whether you have these non-negotiable boundaries- if so, you may need to reevaluate some of your relationships.

But if you want to have a meaningful relationship with someone, you must learn to accept them for who they are. Trying to change how they think or act will only make you feel more frustrated. 

Check Yourself and Read the Room 

Before pointing fingers at someone else, take a moment to reflect on your role in family conflicts. For example, are you guilty of slipping the occasional snide remark? Do you weave in political opinions without being prompted to do so?

Of course, nobody is perfect, but it’s still important to accept personal responsibility for your actions. For example, are you trying to prove that your way is the right way to think? If so, that mindset will likely push people away or trigger their own defensiveness.

Furthermore, it’s crucial to know your audience. Not everyone wants to discuss their perspectives on sensitive topics publicly. Likewise, many people want to have an enjoyable time with their loved ones, even if significant differences in opinion exist. 

Aim to Learn and Understand

Although it may seem uncomfortable, embracing an open-minded perspective can help you recognize your own biases and blindspots. We can learn from people who think differently, but we must be receptive to what they have to say.

In addition, modeling curiosity and maturity show that your goal isn’t to prove anyone right. As a result, you may notice that your loved one becomes less aggressive or defensive. You may even be able to have a calm discussion, despite your opposing viewpoints.

If a conflict arises, aim to stay calm. Avoid name-calling, blaming, or idle threats. Those actions are hostile, and they often widen the distance between people. Such actions also convey a sense of aggression, which can make other people feel unsafe.

Instead, consider taking a more curious approach. Why does your loved one have that opinion? Do you two have any common ground that you may have previously overlooked? Even if you don’t entirely agree with their perspective, can parts of you understand why they might see things from that angle?

Agree to Avoid Certain Topics

If every discussion about a specific topic snowballs into a massive argument, it may be time to set limits. This is especially true in the context of family gatherings- other people may feel uncomfortable or annoyed by a few people dominating the conversation.

It is also very possible neither of you will change each other’s minds. Therefore, fighting about the same issues will only trigger more animosity.

In this case, it may be best to mutually agree to keep such topics off the table. Or, you may commit to only discussing these matters in a private, one-on-one conversation. 

When You Can’t Accept When Loved Ones Have Opposing Views

Even if you have the best intentions, some people’s perspectives may feel too personal, toxic, or dangerous to tolerate. However, you are not obligated to have a relationship with anyone, and identifying and setting healthy boundaries can help you maintain your emotional well-being.

With that in mind, such conflicts can feel tumultuous. It can be disheartening to feel alienated from family members, particularly if you’re the only one with a different perspective. Therapy offers relief and support.

Together we can work through some of these complex emotions. I can also help you identify appropriate strategies for taking care of yourself when loved ones have opposing views. Contact me today to get started!