Parenting a Difficult Child? How to Keep Your Cool and Maintain a Healthy Relationship

You love your child, and you would do anything to protect and help them thrive. From the moment they were born, you were changed. You signed up for the years of diapers, sleepless nights, and precious first milestones.

But maybe you didn’t account for the possibility of your child having a mental illness. And now, things may seem draining. It might feel like every day is a new battle, and the constant fighting takes an inevitable toll.

Parenting a difficult child can be challenging. However, there are some strategies you can use to keep the peace, honor your child’s needs, and maintain your sanity. 

Always Offer Choices

From the moment they learn to walk, children crave autonomy. They want to exert their opinion and be respected for it.

As a parent, it’s important to continue offering age-appropriate choices as often as possible. For younger kids, this starts with letting them choose their green shirt or their red shirt. For teenagers, it may include asking if they want to unload the dishwasher or take out the trash.

Of course, you need to be accepting and respectful of any outcome they choose. Keep this in mind before you offer such selections. 

Practice Active Listening

Children with difficult temperaments often have underlying, unmet needs. As a result, they may come across as angry, withdrawn, or argumentative. But inside, they might be hurting more than people realize.

As a parent, it’s essential to pay close attention when your child is talking. Show an active interest in what they say, and don’t assume that you know how they feel. Avoid distractions during conversations and be mindful of tendencies to interrupt.

The more comfortable your child feels coming to you about their feelings, the more likely you are to understand their situation. If your child feels you understand them, there’s often less of a need for arguing or defensiveness. 

Avoid Giving in to the Power Struggle 

Your child is probably quite skilled in pushing your buttons. This behavior may feel frustrating, but it’s important to focus on controlling your reactions.

The more combative, defensive, or aggressive you are, the more incentive they have to keep acting disrespectfully. After all, attention can feel good, even when that attention is negative. And if you eventually give in to what they want, they learn that tantrums are effective. 

So instead, aim to be relaxed and level-headed. If you must, take a few breaths or even walk away from the situation before responding.

Keep in mind you staying calm may make them angrier at first. But it’s important to model maturity and control during these challenging situations. 

Outline Clear Boundaries Consistently 

Everyone in the home deserves respect, and you must convey that to your child as often as needed. Boundaries protect your well-being, and they ensure a sense of stability and predictability within relationships.

Consider what boundaries you want to enforce with your child. For example, maybe you need to set limits around their curfew. Perhaps you need to discuss rules about spending money. 

Furthermore, boundaries are only as effective as your ability to implement them. If you don’t follow through with what you say, your child might disregard your rules altogether. 

Ask Them How You Can Be More Supportive

Generally speaking, children value emotional support and validation from the adults in their lives. They want their parents to respect their choices and listen to them when they’re having a hard time. They don’t want judgment, and they usually don’t even want advice!

Of course, the best way to find out what your child wants is by asking them! Instead of assuming that you know what’s best for the relationship, consider asking your child how you can best support them. You might be surprised by their answer!

Get Professional Support 

Just like you would take your child to the doctor if they seemed unwell, it’s important to get the proper support for your child’s mental health.3

Therapy can be extremely beneficial for children and teenagers. It offers them a supportive environment to explore their triggers, understand their symptoms, and develop healthier coping strategies. Furthermore, family therapy can help everyone communicate better and improve the quality of your home life.  

Finally, don’t overlook consulting with your child’s pediatrician. Your child may also benefit from a physical exam to rule out any medical conditions. In addition, their physician might provide a referral for a psychiatrist. 

How Therapy Can Help When You’re Parenting a Difficult Child

The parent-child relationship is undoubtedly complex. That said, parenting a difficult child can make anyone feel frustrated, discouraged, and embarrassed. 

It’s important to feel supported during this time. Having a safe place to explore your feelings without judgment can make a tremendous difference in how you feel. Together, we can discuss your stressors and review helpful strategies to improve your relationship with your child. Contact me today to schedule a free phone consultation.