Coping with Cancer: Signs You May Benefit from Seeking Therapy
A cancer diagnosis affects your entire life. It often coincides with intense feelings of uncertainty, anger, fear, and emotional overwhelm. Beyond this emotional impact, cancer often comes with other logistical concerns, including financial stress, relationship problems, and the need to make difficult medical choices.
If you're feeling lost or confused right now, please know that you're not alone. Coping with cancer is challenging, and seeking support can offer a sense of empowerment as you navigate this time.
In my practice, I specialize in supporting individuals living with cancer and chronic illness. My aim is to provide a safe, compassionate environment where we can process the emotions and challenges you're experiencing. Because cancer so closely effects mental health, I will also offer you practical skills during this tenuous time.
Understanding the Emotional Impact of Cancer
According to the National Cancer Institute, it's estimated that nearly 40% of adults will be diagnosed with cancer at some point in their lives. While statistics tell one story, the emotional toll of such a diagnosis is deeply personal. Every person’s cancer treatment feels different—how you react and feel right now is uniquely your own experience.
That said, it can be helpful to understand the common reactions people have during this time. Some common emotional responses include:
Sense of Shock and Disbelief
It's not uncommon to go through life assuming you're immune to serious illness. This isn't naivety- it just may speak to how the human mind copes with uncertainty. We often take our health for granted because, most of the time, it serves us well and simply exists in the background of our everyday lives.
But when faced with a serious diagnosis, that quiet sense of confidence suddenly gets shattered. You may feel betrayed by your body. The future- which may have once seemed clear and exciting- is now clouded with a dark sense of uncertainty. The shock may not just be about cancer- it may also be about the jarring realization of how quickly life can change.
Fear and Anxiety
The fear of the unknown—whether it's treatment side effects, lifestyle changes, or how your diagnosis will affect your loved ones—can feel overwhelming. You may be wondering, Will I be able to go back to work? How will I take care of my children? Who is going to take me to this next medical appointment? What if treatment doesn't help? At times, even receiving answers may lead to more questions.
If your cancer is considered incurable, these feelings may intensify, bringing unanswerable questions about how much time you have left or how you will cope with potential pain. These fears are natural, but they can still be difficult to manage.
Guilt and Shame
Feelings of guilt can occur at all cancer stages. For example, you may blame yourself for your diagnosis due to past lifestyle choices. Or you might feel guilty about the burden your illness may place on loved ones. Many cancer survivors also resonate with themes of survivor's guilt- you may find yourself spiraling into comparing how you "made it" or "got lucky" if others didn't.
Shame may also emerge, particularly in response to physical changes from treatment, such as weight changes, hair loss, or intense fatigue. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are common and can be worked through with therapeutic support.
Anger and Resentment
Cancer often causes people to reevaluate their entire lives. How you perceive yourself now may feel fundamentally different than how you used to perceive yourself before you diagnosis.
For example, you may need to reassess your career plans or shift how you spend time with friends and family. Such shifts can put everything into question- you might feel extremely frustrated by all the sudden changes or uncertainty.
Resentment sometimes happens toward those who are unaffected or toward the world that seemingly "carries on" as normal. These emotions are also normal, but working through them requires a sense of compassion and grace toward yourself.
Grief and Loss
Cancer affects your sense of stability in daily life. It also can evoke a profound feeling of loss- there's grief for life before your diagnosis and grief for a future you may not be able to access. Such mourning is typical, but it can feel depressing and isolating.
Unfortunately, not everyone understands the magnitude of cancer-related grief. For example, a family member with good intentions might simply say, "Well, at least you caught it early!" or, "You have so much support around you- just keep a positive attitude and things will be okay!" While these comments are meant to be supportive, they can feel incredibly invalidating.
Mental Health and Cancer: Understanding the Connection
Cancer care can sometimes intensify underlying mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, or PTSD. For many, the physical toll of this disease- along with the immense stress of treatment- can significantly impact emotional well-being. Research suggests that about 25% of all cancer survivors experience persistent mental health problems after treatment. This highlights the nuanced, undeniable relationship between mental and physical health.
Cancer can, unfortunately, worsen existing mental health issues. For instance, anxiety may increase as uncertainty around the future grows. Depression may settle in as the demands of treatment consume your routine. If you've had any history of medical trauma, you may note yourself feeling uneasy or hypervigilant around healthcare providers.
Some key mental health symptoms that may arise during this time include:
Chronic fatigue: Cancer treatment often leaves people feeling exhausted and less motivated to engage in self-care, normal leisure activities, or even their basic human needs. However, feelings of exhaustion may ebb and flow, and this inconsistency can also be challenging to manage.
Heightened frustration and irritability: Pain and discomfort can make it difficult to stay optimistic, and you may find yourself having a shorter fuse than usual. You might also feel increasingly frustrated if others don't understand your condition and what it entails.
Sleep problems: Many people experience sleep disturbances throughout the cancer process. These issues may include insomnia, restless legs syndrome, night sweats, and difficulty getting comfortable due to cancer-related pain. Furthermore, certain medications involved in chemotherapy may interfere with normal sleep patterns.
Panic attacks and anxiety: There is often a deep fear associated with cancer spreading or outcomes worsening over time. It's not uncommon to also feel anxious about how your long-term relationships or general sense of stability will be impacted by your illness.
Suicidal ideation: Thoughts of suicide are common when dealing with cancer patients, and studies indicate that cancer patients are at a heightened risk for suicidal behavior. This is a complex issue without a single origin, but some of the main risk factors include having a more advanced cancer stage at diagnosis, being older, losing significant physical abilities, and being a survivor of childhood or adolescent cancer.
How Therapy Can Help You Navigate Life with Cancer
A therapist, of course, can't change the reality of your illness. However, therapy can offer you an important sense of emotional and practical support during this time. My goal is to act as your ally, walking through this journey with you and helping you process the complex emotions that may arise.
Together, we can work on coping with your new reality and finding ways to honor your emotional well-being. It's not about discovering "all the answers" or "fixing all the pain," but about supporting you with compassion and care through this unknown time.
Providing Emotional Support and Validation
All stages of cancer treatment come with different challenges. In the beginning, you may feel overwhelmed by all the treatment options presented to you. As you start undergoing treatment, you may experience physical side effects that leave you feeling fatigued or frustrated.
Throughout this process, people experience a wide spectrum of emotions. Having a safe place where someone listens without judgment can be crucial. Your emotions are valid and having support can help you feel less alone and more empowered.
Strengthening Coping Skills
Therapy can offer a compassionate space to explore ways to manage stress and other intense emotions. Together, we will work on cultivating coping strategies rooted in mindfulness and relaxation- these can support both your emotional and physical health.
We'll also aim to help you reconnect with the people and activities that bring you a sense of joy- this may include nurturing your personal relationships, connecting with other cancer survivors through support groups, getting involved in a new hobby (or rediscovering an old one), or volunteering to a good cause. The goal is to realistically integrate self-care that honors your current emotional and physical bandwidth.
Processing Existential Distress
Medical treatment can stir deep existential questions or raise awareness of complicated unresolved issues in your life. Sitting with these concerns can feel unsettling- especially when facing a life-altering diagnosis. You may now find yourself feeling vulnerable as you consider themes related to purpose and legacy.
Therapy offers a safe environment to explore these feelings- it may be a place where you learn how to repair old wounds, make peace with your past, and confront intense questions about life, death, and everything in between.
Managing Relational Difficulties
Cancer can unquestionably strain relationships- you and your loved ones are all trying to navigate the various practical and emotional difficulties that come with this illness. It's normal for dynamics to shift- however, such changes can lead you to feel worried, misunderstood, invalidated, guilty, or resentful.
Therapy offers space to manage these relational difficulties. For example, you may need help communicating with a certain family member. Or you might want to practice setting healthy boundaries with a friend who keeps pestering you with uncomfortable questions. You may also benefit from learning how to balance being sensitive to friends and family while also expressing your needs.
Practicing Self-Compassion and Self-Kindness
Because cancer can coincide with so many heavy emotions and negative thoughts, it's important to learn how to gently care for yourself. Without self-compassion, it's easy to feel consumed by symptoms of hopelessness, fear, shame, and loneliness.
In therapy, we'll talk about simple ways to add more self-love into your normal routine. This isn't about embodying toxic positivity- it's simply about honoring the need to treat yourself with grace, acceptance, and dignity. In many ways, it's also about trying to treat yourself with the same love you'd give a close friend going through the same experience.
When Should You Seek Therapy After a Cancer Diagnosis?
There's no perfect time to start therapy. Getting support can be helpful at any stage of care. However, you may especially benefit from therapy if you're experiencing any of the following:
significant mood swings
increasing sense of isolation
disturbing changes in your relationships
difficulty coping with physical changes or physical symptoms
increasing sense of chronic pain
significant existential distress or fears around end-of-life care
feeling stuck or overwhelmed by the treatment process
Therapy can be short-term or long-term. Most people prefer to meet on a consistent, weekly basis. However, it's important to remember that therapy is about honoring your needs and preferences. The good news is that you can collaborate about your treatment directly with me at every point in the process. I welcome us working together to offer you safety and hope.
Online Therapy for Cancer Patients in New York and Connecticut
No matter where you currently are in your cancer process, looking after your emotional well-being is so important. I offer virtual therapy services to clients residing in New York and Connecticut.
The main benefit of online therapy is that you can access support from the comfort of your home- there's no need to worry about securing transportation or commuting to an office when you feel physically depleted. In my practice, I integrate evidence-based practices from cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical-behavior therapy (DBT), and solution-focused therapy to help you cope with life in the here and now.
Whether you're coping with a new diagnosis, managing ongoing treatment, or facing life in remission, I'm here to offer my support and care. I understand the unique needs of cancer patients and strive to adjust treatment in a way that best suits each client's circumstances. If desired, I can also collaborate with other medical providers to ensure you're receiving the comprehensive support you deserve.
Please contact me today to schedule a consultation.